September 1, 2005

To whom it may concern:

In mid 2002, I retained David Benckendorf as my attorney. I was the plaintiff in a 28 year marriage seeking a divorce. We were divorced….finally, in 2005. My spouse switched attorneys 5 times while I never faltered from using my original attorney. Changing attorneys this many times (from my view) does not indicate a problem with the attorney, but with the client. Switching attorneys means ‘starting over’….more money to get the attorney up to speed and less time to prepare. I understand my spouse’s frustration – the attorneys were not going along with his/her perception of what needed to be done. I felt the same frustration at times.

I learned several important facts about the divorce process over the past three years:

1. MY case is not the ONLY case on Mr. Benckendorf’s desk. Staying ‘current’ with a multitude of clients must be like constantly ‘cramming’ for a college exam. It is virtually impossible for an attorney to be ready at a moment’s notice; therefore, you will receive more attention from Dave when a court date is near. It will be wise of you to leave time on your schedule as a court date arrives because Dave will be getting ready for court and he may have some questions for you.
2. What YOU think is important may not be what DAVE thinks is important. It would take PAGES to explain how many ‘issues’ I though held water and should be slammed in my spouse’s face while Dave patiently explained the legal process or the strategy he preferred.
3. EMOTION has no place in court. “Nothing but the facts”, is the saying of the day. My spouse should have understood that rule. Whether you cooked a bad meal or forgot to take out the trash will not matter to the judge. The judge does not care about the problems between you and your spouse; he cares about the fairest way to send each of you on your way. If children are involved (which was not my case) then additional concerns will be in play.
4. Be truthful – with yourself….with Dave…with your reality. You may think you are owed the world, and you spouse may think she/he is owed the world. The reality is somewhere in between. Remember that your spouse is probably saying the opposite of what you are saying. Make sure your ‘truths’ do not come back to bite you in the butt later.
5. Here is one my spouse should have remembered….Assume all you have done will be exposed. Do not try to hide things -----it will cripple you and your attorney. A bit of explanation is in order here….my case never went to trial, but my spouse tried to hide many things I knew about. It had a direct effect on the negotiated outcome.
6. Your trial is about MONEY. Again, if children are involved, that is another story, however I can attest that MONEY will be the main focus if children are not an is-sue. DO NOT assume your ‘day in court’ will include exposure of your spouse’s inadequacies, NO ONE CARES. Remember that the judge is human and he may not like the thought that you have acted inappropriately. IMPRESSIONS ARE IMPORTANT.
7. At times you will feel like YOU are doing all of the work. Copies, letters, etc…it seems that was all I did for a long time, but DAVE sure didn’t have access to my past better than I did.
8. KEEP GOOD RECORDS!!!! Mine was a LONG divorce with LOTS of paper. GET OGGANIZED NOW!!!! The definition of ‘frustration’ is trying to find papers that are stacked in a HUGE pile on the floor. OFFICE MAX is your friend….use them.
9. You know more about your case than your attorney. Your attorney will rely on YOU to provide him with something he can work with. He does not perform magic….he makes a CASE based on the information you provide. Give him truthful, solid, factual information, and he will make the most of it in an arena he is familiar with.
10. “The wheels of justice turn slowly.” I can surely attest to this but my case was extraordinary. Be patient.

I have strayed from my original intent of this letter which was to praise Dave for what I believe was a fair outcome in my case. Most importantly, Dave had a heart for my situation. He knew I did not want a divorce…I wanted reconciliation. When reconciliation was no longer an option, he still understood that I had feeling for my spouse and he recognized all of my emotions as I moved forward.

If you are reading this letter, please know that I believe the process you are about to undergo will be painful on some level and that you may require assistance; perhaps on more than a legal level. Counseling can be helpful to keep your head on straight.

Dave served me well and I believe the outcome of my divorce was fair.

I hope this information is helpful.

Sincerely,
A satisfied client